42

"I do not care if the guy is yellow or black, or if he has stripes like a fuckin' zebra. I'm the manager of this team, and I say he plays. What's more, I say he can make us all rich. And if any of you cannot use the money, I will see that you are all traded." - Leo Durocher, Manger of the Brooklyn Dodgers, Spring Training 1947

Starring

Chadwick Boseman as Jackie Robinson

Nicole Beharie as Rachel Robinson

Harrison Ford as Branch Rickey

Christopher Meloni as Leo Durocher

Alan Tudyk as Ben Chapman

John C. McGinley as Dr Perry Cox Red Barber

Everyone knows who Jackie Robinson is. He's the black baseball player from the Negro League who broke the sport's colour barrier in 1947. This movie is the story of that event.

Well, not really. It glosses over a lot of stuff in favour of having us watch Alan Tudyk hurl some of the most vile racial epithets I've ever heard. 

We first meet up with Jackie as his Negro League team, the Kansas City Monarchs, is travelling through Alabama on their way to another game. A representative from the Brooklyn Dodgers sends Jackie to that city in hopes that General Manager Branch Rickey (played with enthusiasm by a sometimes unrecognizable Harrison Ford) can sign him to a contract. This attempt is, of course, successful... we'd have no movie otherwise.

This is where a lot of the glossing-over begins. After Spring Training, Jackie is assigned to the minor-league Montreal Royals. We only ever see Jackie in a Royals uniform during Spring Training and NEVER in Montreal, possibly because of this quote...

"I remember Montreal and that house very well and have always had warm feeling for that great city. Before Jack and I moved to Montreal, we had just been through some very rough treatment in the racially biased South during spring training in Florida. In the end, Montreal was the perfect place for him to get his start. We never had a threatening or unpleasant experience there. The people were so welcoming and saw Jack as a player and as a man." - Rachel Robinson

It's obvious that this movie was more concerned with getting the abuse Jackie was subjected to on film rather than showing that at least one place he played didn't care about his skin colour.

I am well aware that Jackie's presence on the Dodgers' roster was not welcomed with open arms by everyone. Members of the Dodgers sign a petition saying they won't play with him when he makes the Opening Day roster in 1947 (something that has only been rumoured, and never verified), he's ejected from a Spring Training game by on-field security in Philadelphia because "niggers don't play with whites" in that town... it had to have been mind-bogglingly awful for the guy. The screenwriters insert a fully-fictional scene where Jackie breaks his bat in the tunnel from the Dodgers' dugout to the clubhouse to show that even a man like Jackie Robinson had a breaking point.

I had a few issues with other, seemingly innocent aspects of the movie. It seemed that every time Jackie tied his shoes, or looked at a baseball diamond, the background music felt the need to mimic a John Williams orchestral score. Yes, Robinson was heroic for putting up with the shit baseball made him put up with. The score lays it on a little thick, really. Then there's the aforementioned glossing-over of historical facts (like how Robinson disliked the Negro Leagues because of its disorganization and acceptance of gambling), the sloppy way some characters are introduced (some giant corn-fed lookin' fella is traded part-way through the 1947 season, and even after researching that season I still don't know what the hell his name was), and - again, this is MY problem - the use of John C. McGinley as Dodgers' radio play-by-play man Red Barber. I kept waiting for him to refer to Jackie as "Newbie" or call Ben Chapman a girl's name.

MAN do I miss Scrubs.

The above bashing and Scrubs-worshipping paragraph-and-sentence doesn't mean I didn't find good in the movie. Chadwick Boseman's Robinson is very easy to like, and he plays the man with the humility that Robinson was known for. Harrison Ford nails it as Branch Rickey, and it was easy for me to disassociate the man from Han Solo and Indiana Jones, two previous roles that Ford has become synonymous with. I am a fan of both Christopher Meloni and Alan Tudyk, but I wish they were both used more and less at the same time (Durocher was suspended during the 1947 season for "unbecoming conduct", depicted as adultery in the movie but in reality was trumped-up charges of associating with gamblers ). Tudyk dives into his role as Ben Chapman with relish, but the character is really just satisfying the movie's need for a "bad guy" as the only scenes with him depict Chapman's crazy levels of racism, him being more polite about it and justifying the racism to reporters, and then finally having his picture taken with Robinson at the behest of Phillies management. I really wish they had utilized these two actors more, but I'll take watching them for even five seconds over two hours of Kristen Stewart.


FINAL REVIEW

42
2 snowflakes out of 5

TL;DR - Jackie Robinson was a polarizing figure, and a true hero for being brave enough to be the one black man in professional baseball until 1948. This movie does not do him justice.

This Is The End

STARRING

Seth Rogen as Seth Rogen

Jay Baruchel as Jay Baruchel

Craig Robinson as Craig Robinson

James Franco as James Franco

Danny McBride as Danny McBride

Jonah Hill as Jonah Hill

Emma Watson as Emma Watson

Michael Cera as Michael Cera

... yes, I had fun typing all that out.

What can I say about this movie? I just got back from seeing it, and every so often a scene or a line will pop into my head and I'll start laughing uncontrollably. Does that work for you?

The movie starts out with Seth waiting for his buddy Jay at the airport. The two actors are looking forward to a weekend of pot, booze, and video games. Seth suggests they attend a party at James Franco's house, and the cameos start flying by the screen: Mindy Kaling! Jason Segel! Rihanna! Christopher Mintz-Plasse! It's almost overload. When the loner Jay decides he needs to go for a walk to get more smokes, that's when the shit hits the fan. There's a huge explosion, followed by blue lights sucking people up into the sky. Huge sinkholes appear everywhere, and everything goes crazygonuts.

The movie doesn't let up on the laughs from the word go, and when they get to Franco's house it gets even crazier. I will warn you, gentle reader, that this movie features the disgusting toilet humour you've come to expect from Seth Rogen movies. There's a yelling match between Franco and McBride that is particularly disgusting, yet completely hilarious all at once.

Watching these actors play caricatures of themselves is particularly funny, and I really hope none of them really act the way they do in the movie. The Jonah Hill in this movie, for instance, is a sycophantic asshole with somewhat disturbing feelings for Jay Baruchel. Baruchel himself is a conceited hipster jackass who thinks he's above everyone else. Danny McBride is only looking out for number one: himself, while everyone else goes at Number Fuck You. It goes on and on, but the best parody performance - and some of the biggest laughs in the theatre - had to go to Michael Cera. For once, he's not playing a "Michael Cera type" and it's shocking to see... assuming your eyes aren't shut, squeezing out tears of laughter.

I recommend this movie to everyone who wants something different from the movies this year, while feeling a little samey and familiar. If that makes sense.

FINAL REVIEW

This Is The End

3.5 snowflakes out of 5

TL;DR - Funny in a juvenile way, but unless you're feeling superior you'll still laugh. A few gross-out scenes. More cameos than a trilogy of Muppet movies. Check your brain at the door and enjoy yourself.

Silver Linings Playbook

STARRING

Bradley Cooper as Pat

Jennifer Lawrence as Tiffany

Robert DeNiro as Pat Senior

Jacki Weaver as Dolores

Chris Tucker as Danny

I can't really review this too in-depth as I have to get ready for my interview, but here goes.

This movie is fantastic. Everything about it works on every level, and actors I've seen before show me depth and ability I didn't know they possessed. Bradley Cooper plays Pat without any of his normal smarm and cockiness, which is refreshing. Jennifer Lawrence, who I've only seen in X-Men: First Class and The Hunger Games, plays Tiffany with a kind of strong vulnerability that proves to me she was the correct choice as Best Actress at this past year's Oscars. Robert DeNiro is a legend, and despite a few stumbles in the road (I'm looking at you, The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle) he delivers as you would expect an actor of his pedigree to deliver. The biggest surprise, however, has to be Chris Tucker, who shows that he does know how to act without the shrillness and the IN YOUR FACE LOUDEST THING ON THE SCREEN EVEN LOUDER THAN THE EXPLOSIONS characters he's known for from The Fifth Element and the Rush Hour series.

If you have the means to see this movie, do it. It's a romantic comedy that's light on the mushy crap and heavy on making you believe two incredibly broken people can put each other's lives back together.


FINAL REVIEW

Silver Linings Playbook
5 snowflakes out of 5


TL; DR - The best movie I've seen so far in this little experiment. See it.

Now, off to get ready for my interview!

The Return!

Hi! Okay, so I can only do one movie today as I have an interview at 2. So here we go... randomizer website, pick something funny for me this morning!

There were 41 items in your list. Here they are in random order:

1. Silver Linings Playbook
2. Tower Heist
3. Assault Girls
4. Seeking a Friend for the End of the World
5. Hitchcock

Okay, so it looks like I'm watching something that's supposed to be excellent. Good way to start the day, says I.

Radio silence

Hi! Okay, so maybe you wanna know why I've been slacking off and not posting reviews.

Gabe had Friday off, and watching some of these movies in front of him is a Bad Idea. Saturday and Sunday were full of other Family Things, including a good friend's birthday. Yesterday? Well... E3 was - and IS - going on in Los Angeles, so that had my attention for most of the day.

I'll try to get something up today... but there's an arseload of housework that needs doing. I may end up doing that instead.

The Losers

Starring

Jeffrey Dean Morgan as Clay

Zoe Saldana as Aisha

Idris Elba as Roque

Chris Evans as Jensen

Well, at least this was better than Total Recall.

The Losers tells the ludicrous story of a group of American military agents framed for a crime they didn't commit. Sound familiar? The difference between this and The A-Team is that this little gang of morons is presumed dead after a missile strike on a Bolivian drug lord goes wrong. Despite living through the ordeal, Clay never gives up on his vendetta against the mysterious voice he heard on his radio that fateful day. Knowing only the guy's name, Max, he gambles on cockfights and drinks with his buddy Roque until Zoe Saldana's character falls into his lap. Almost literally.

Why do action movies feel the need to be completely stupid? This one hits most of the tropes, with the grizzled leader, the black dude with an attitude, the silent sniper, the combative best friend/2nd in command of the unit, and the smartass. There's also a lot of other favourite songs, including "I've Been Shot But I Can Still Move", "Breaking Furniture Over My Head Doesn't Hurt" and "Asshole Gets The Girl For No Discernible Reason".

I'm all for mindless action if executed properly. This movie seems to want to insult me at every turn. It could have been so much more. It could have earned the sequel the ending sequence hints at. Instead, it bought itself a one-way ticket to the bargain bin.

FINAL REVIEW

The Losers

2 snowflakes out of 5

TL;DR - it's better than Total Recall.

Double feature!

Okay, I'm bored, don't wanna play Warcraft, so it's time for a double feature! Let's hope fate chooses a better movie than the last one. Ugh.

And it chose...

THE RAID: REDEMPTION

Ooh, allegedly the greatest action movie ever made. Time to dig in!

Gotta choose a different one as my copy has no subtitles!

It chose...

THE LOSERS

Here we go!

Total Recall (2012)

Starring

Colin Farrell as Doug Quaid
Jessica Biel as Melina
Kate Beckinsale as Lori
Bryan Cranston as Cohaagen
Bill Nighy as Matthias


Okay, people behind this piece of shit, up against the wall! How do you get a group of people as talented as THAT *points at the cast list* and produce this steaming pile of dreck?

I'm pretty sure most of you out there have seen the original Total Recall with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Nowadays it's campy and full of AWFUL special effects, but back in the day it was cutting edge, cool, and it's a freaking classic. Why Hollywood felt the need to revisit this story I'll never know.

There's no emotion in this remake, none at all. Colin Farrell is so inspired to play Quaid that he shows the emotional range of Kristen Stewart. The name of Biel's character isn't spoken until about 30 minutes after she's actually introduced. Bryan Cranston tries to bring some of the menace he developed as Walter White on Breaking Bad, but it's sadly wasted here. And Kate Beckinsale is unrecognizable without the skintight leather catsuits from the Underworld movies. I think it should be contractual that she wears one for every movie she's in. Even if that movie is Pride and Prejudice. She attempts to snarl her way through the picture, and she doesn't come across as dangerous, or evil, or anything but trying too hard.

Then there's the "story" itself. Gone are the mutants (with the exception of the triple-breasted whore who ISN'T Eccentrica Gallumbits, much to my dismay) and gone is the whole "Mars" thing. Instead, we get a post-apocalyptic Earth ruined by chemical warfare (WE'RE ORIGINAL! OTHER MOVIES USE NUCLEAR FALLOUT! ORIGINAL! ORIGINAL!) with only two settlements safe for humans: the UFB - United Federation of Britain - and The Colony, aka Australia. The schmoes who live in The Colony are seen as peasants and are forced to do the jobs too dirty for the delicate UFB-types. Every day, Colonists are loaded into a giant metal cylinder and dropped through the Earth's core (stop laughing) where gravity reverses in scenes that are always inexplicably filmed in slow motion (I said stop laughing) before gravity reasserts itself without people's faces being ripped off or other gory thing happening.

Yeah. The screenwriters thought that'd sneak by us and we'd all go HURR DURR, THAT'S POSSIBLE!

Quaid's reawakening into Hauser is pretty much the same as the original movie: he goes to Recall because he's having crazy dreams and BAM they realize he's actually a spy! WIKKID! Shit happens, people die (including another wasted appearance by a known actor, this time John Cho), shit gets blowed up real good, blah blah blah.


I'm not gonna waste more time discussing this garbage than I have to. I can't stand this movie. There was no need to make it. If Hollywood is going to remake 22-year-old movies more often, the least they could do is do these movies justice. Bad Hollywood, bad! No biscuit! Go to your crate!


FINAL REVIEW

Total Recall
1.5 snowflakes out of 5

TL;DR - TD;DW. Means "too dumb, don't watch".

Day Three

So I was looking over my movies and counting the number of days Gabriel has left in school. He has 15 days left, while I have 42 movies left.

I think I'm gonna have to do a double feature or two.

Wait, those numbers are wrong! There are 41 movies left with today's selection, which is...

Oh.

Oh my.

I have a very bad feeling about this.

District 9

Starring

Sharlto Copley as Wikus van de Merwe
David James as Koobus Venter
Eugene Khumbanyiwa as Obesandjo


Okay, so believe me when I say I went into this movie knowing absolutely nothing about its plot, the people who were in it or the people who made it.

So when Peter Jackson's name flashed up on the screen, I said aloud "Oh shit, this movie's gonna be three hours long."

I was wrong.

Clocking in at a respectable 107 minutes, District 9 is about an alien invasion of the rather mundane sort. In 1982, a ship enters the Earth's atmosphere over Johannesburg and... does nothing. Not a damn thing. Proving that humans are impatient, the UN decides to fly a bunch of people up in helicopters with really big can openers to see what toys the aliens have inside. What they find are a bunch of malnourished insect-like creatures they'd later call "Prawns". In a gesture that seems grand at first, the humans allow the Prawns to take over a section of Johannesburg they nickname... wait for it... District 9. The District rapidly turns into a slum and is overrun with corruption, crime, and apparently alien-on-human prostitution.

"Ew."

 

The crime in the District ends up spilling over into Johannesburg proper, and the human residents quickly get fed up with the shenanigans. They call in the authorities who decide that rather than cleaning up the District and chasing out the Nigerian crime lords, they'd rather relocate the aliens to a new District 200km outside of Johannesburg. 

The lucky sod who gets to spearhead this mission is Wikus van de Merwe, a real Michael Scott type. During the eviction, Wikus is injured and exposed to an alien fluid that we earlier see gathered by an alien named Christopher. This fluid starts doing Bad Things to Wikus, including making black fluid leak from his nose and his fingernails to fall out.

I love this image.

 

After collapsing at a party, Wikus is rushed to the hospital where it's discovered his injured arm has mutated into a Prawn's arm. Tests are done on Wikus and it's discovered he can fire alien weapons, which humans can't because they're biologically locked to the Prawns. 

The Powers That Be decide to sell Wikus' body parts to the highest bidder. Wikus, for his part, disagrees with their decision and busts out. The rest of the movie then happens.

I was not impressed with the documentary-style shooting of the movie at first. I'm currently watching both The Office and Modern Family with my wife, and that style is wearing thin with me. That feeling quickly passed as things got more and more interesting. Wikus changed from being a twit who mugs for the camera (which is where my earlier Michael Scott comparison comes from) into a man driven by a desire to survive and see his wife again. It was a believable transformation, as Wikus is hardly an action hero type. He doesn't dive in and save the day, he doesn't exhibit superhuman abilities to withstand multiple bullet wounds, he just lucks and bungles his way through and somehow doesn't get everyone around him killed.

The biggest problem I had with the movie was the accents. As this movie is set in South Africa, not everyone is a native English speaker. I found myself rewinding and re-watching a few scenes to try and catch what was being said, for fear of losing a plot point. Again, this is not a problem with the movie - kudos to director Neil Blomkamp & co. for being authentic - bur rather a problem with me.

I rather enjoyed District 9, and the inevitable sequel the movie sets itself up for is long overdue. This movie comes highly recommended.

FINAL REVIEW

 

District 9

4 snowflakes out of 5

TL;DR - Highly enjoyable tale with interesting leads (namely Wikus and Christopher) that is well worth your 2 hours.

We're 2 for 2 in enjoyable movies! Let's see if tomorrow can make it 3.

Second movie, same as the first?

Hallo, peoples! I'm a little behind today as sleeping am good.

We got off to a fairly successful start yesterday with "The High Cost Of Living", so let's see what the randomizer has in store for us today!

Today's winner is...

DISTRICT 9

Okay, so I'm off to go watch this movie that's about something I don't know what it's about. Should be fun! See you on the other side, kids.

The High Cost of Living

Starring

Zach Braff as Henry
Isabelle Blais as Nathalie
Patrick Labbé as Michel
Julian Lo as Johnny


The credits roll as I type this... I doubt it's the kind of movie that would have a post-credits stinger, so I should be safe.

For everything Zach Braff has done in his acting career, I have a lot of difficulty taking him as a dramatic actor. Most of you folks out there know I'm a fan of his sitcom Scrubs, so it took me a while in this movie to think of him as "Henry" instead of "JD". That being said, it's doing both him and this film a disservice to say that's Braff's fault when truly, it's mine.

I've never really been one for "angsty" entertainment, but this film had precious few chuckle-moments. Of course, the subject matter - irresponsible drug dealer hits pregnant woman with car, killing unborn child - isn't the kind of fare you'll find on The Comedy Network any time soon. I think this movie did a respectable job handling the various reactions people would have to being in this situation, from the mother who has to carry the body of her unborn child in her womb until a doctor can remove it, to the detached husband and father who can't bring himself to show emotion, to the guilt-ridden criminal who inexplicably becomes the one person his victim can turn to.

I did have a few issues with the movie. There's a subplot about one of Henry's customers and her child Lily that goes pretty much nowhere. Michel, Nathalie's workaholic husband, is a little over-the-top as the insensitive husband (my opinion may be affected by a personal inability to believe anyone could be so cold), and it seems like other characters were thrown in just to be forgotten about once their scene ends.

This movie had some great acting from Blais and Braff, and the latter did succeed in making me forget John Dorian for the last hour of the movie. I would definitely watch this movie again, and I do recommend it. I don't know about DVD or Blu-ray, but I do know it's available on Netflix and various VOD services.


FINAL REVIEW

The High Cost of Living
3 snowflakes out of 5

TL;DR: Despite a few issues, I really enjoyed this movie. It's worth watching, but make sure you have a funny movie or a sunny day as a chaser.

Tune in tomorrow for the next movie from my backlog! Hopefully, it's something cheerier.

So I wanted to start the movies last night, but as Dana and I were watching her latest TV addiction - Lust Lost Girl - I started to get teh sleepiez. So we're starting this morning!

THE SEMI-PHENOMENAL, NEARLY-COSMIC POWER OF AN INTERNET RANDOMIZER HAS SPOKEN!

THE HIGH COST OF LIVING is the story of a young pregnant woman whose world falls apart when she loses her baby in a hit and run accident. It starts with an accident. Henry (Zach Braff) makes a wrong turn and crashes into Nathalie (Isabelle Blais). In a fit of panic, and over the legal limit, he cuts and runs, leaving Nathalie lying in the street, unconscious, bleeding and eight months pregnant. She wakes up in the hospital only to find her bright future destroyed and the baby she is still carrying, dead. Her husband, Michel (Patrick Labbé) is too unnerved and emotionally bereft to deal with the tragedy. As her life unravels, she stumbles across Henry - who has been searching for his victim. Unaware of what he has done, Nathalie sees him as an unlikely guardian angel, everything Michel is not - compassionate, charming and a little crazy. She finds a welcome relief in the tall, rumpled stranger that seems only too willing to offer her refuge. But Henry has his own problems. His past misdeeds are catching up, and he soon discovers that the police are steadily closing in. The inevitable collision will force both Henry and Nathalie to confront loss, labour and life, and to ultimately decide whether the cost of living is worth the price. (Synopsis courtesy the movie's official site, via rottentomatoes.com)

This movie has an RT rating of 50%, which puts it 10% below the "fresh" threshold. 56% of viewers liked it, with an average rating of 3.5/5.

Movie will commence at 10am EST 9am EST. I know you're all riveted.

Hi! Welcome to This Place. Here's where I'm gonna be posting my little movie reviews because, let's face it, Facebook status updates aren't really the place for me to put my incoherent ramblings.

I mean, more than I already do.

So, for the uninitiated, here's the list of movies I have that need to be watched.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter
Act Naturally
Assault Girls
Battleship
Behind the Candelabra
Daybreakers
District 9
Edge of Darkness
Hitchcock
J Edgar
Les Miserables (2012)
Let The Right One In
ParaNorman
Pitch Perfect
Professor Layton and the Eternal Diva
Rock of Ages
Savages
Seeking a Friend for the End of the World
Shutter Island
Silver Linings Playbook
Snow White and the Huntsman
Superman: Unbound
The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
The Chronicles of Narnia: Voyage of the Dawn Treader
The Descendants
The Expendables
The Expendables 2
The High Cost of Living
The Hurt Locker
The Ides of March
The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
The Last Stand
The Losers
The Lovely Bones
The Men Who Stare At Goats
The Perks of Being A Wallflower
The Raid: Redemption
The Rum Diary
The Three Musketeers
Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy
Total Recall (2012)
Tower Heist
Up In The Air
Yakuza - Like A Dragon

I'll be drawing the first movie tomorrow morning at about 9, and watching it starting at about 10 so you can be here for all the fun. Or... well, you know, not HERE per se. We still haven't finished unpacking, and there's really nowhere for you all to sit.

Once this list is finished, maybe I'll ask you cats out there for movie suggestions. I promise I'll try to be funny in every post. And if I can't be funny, at least I'll be original.

That's a flat-out lie, that is. I am probably the polar opposite of "original".

See you tomorrow!